I am a road rage-o-holic.  There, I admit it. (I’m also a choco-holic, cat-o-holic, dog-o-holic, pens-with-pink-ink-o-holic, animals-with-soft-fur-o-holic, and quite possibly now a blog-o-holic.) Isn’t the first step in any 12 step program “Admitting it”? Well then, buh-bye Step 1 I guess.

I sooo need one of these signs.

Why oh why are there so many bad drivers out there?? (OBVIOUSLY, I’m not one of them.) Everyday on my way to or from work I encounter some bozo who ticks me off. It doesn’t help that I encounter one of the many dumb roadway setups put in place.  Shortly after I leave home I come upon a section of roadway in which two lanes merge into one onto a highway on-ramp. That in itself would be fine if you didn’t have about oh-I-don’t-know maybe 1,000 cars all getting to the ramp at the same time each morning and trying to merge into two lanes of a highway whose traffic is moving at a pace similar to that of the max speed of the first car ever made. The problem is when you get car after car whose driver can’t merge because a) he/she doesn’t know how to and comes to a complete stop at the bottom of the ramp, or b) the traffic is at a standstill because the traffic already on the highway is all jammed up from the idiots trying to merge. It’s a freakin’ nightmare.  Nothing grinds my gears than the ass of a driver who blows past the rest of us patiently waiting our turn in the oh-so-long lineup and goes to the head of the line. All I can say is that those people better be in a mad rush due to a gastro-intestinal emergency.

Here’s my biggest tick-offs when I’m driving:

  1. The “green-light-stopper”.  This is the guy who sits at the light when it’s greener than grass and doesn’t move. You wonder if he’s waiting for either a darker shade of green, the second coming of Christ before he moves, or has temporarily lost the gas pedal.
  2. The “quick to cut off, but slow drive” type.You know the kind, the guy who pulls out in front of you at a quick speed like he’s in such a hurry that he couldn’t possibly wait for you to pass by but then as you get right behind him he slows down so much that you actually have the time to count scratches on his bumper.
  3. The “Slow poke until there is a passing lane”. This bozo pokes along like he’s out driving Miss Daisy, that is, until you reach a spot where you can actually pass him and then he hits the gas.
  4. The “Non-signal light user”.  This guy thinks that you have a crystal ball on your dashboard and you know his every move. This especially grinds my nerves when you are waiting to pull out of a spot and the guy you are waiting to pass decides he’s going to turn.
  5. The “signal light is on  continuously” person. Pretty self explanatory. The signal light has been on for the past 12 kilometres (read: miles if you are in the U.S.). And later that day when he/she decides to actually turn, they turn it off to make the turn.
  6. The parking space hog.  What’s worse than finding a spot only to discover you can barely squeeze in because the guy who got into the spot next to you has decided he needs half of your spot too.
  7. The parking spot stealer.  You’ve circled the parking lot at least four times, you see someone pulling out, but wait – as he leaves he blocks you, and the guy approaching from the opposite end of the lane slips into your spot.
  8. And lest we forget the “I’m not letting you in” jerk. You have to merge and the one car in the best position to let you slip in suddenly speeds up and blocks your way.

It's nice of you to drive Miss Daisy and all, but some of us have places to go...

Well, this list could go on and on, but I’ve gotta go dash to the mall. And no doubt Murphy’s Law will prevail and I’ll encounter at least two of these aforementioned tick-offs in the half a kilometer drive there. hahah

Hmmm… or maybe I should just walk to the mall. Nahhhh… I’ll burn more calories being angry when I come back from driving than I would from just walking there and back. hahaha…